Tuesday, 22 May 2007


At the moment I have some big decisions to be making. About 15 hours ago it was far more simple. I just had to keep going along the same track, wait for the outcome to the situation and that was that. Then I received an e-mail that threw another option into the equation. A completley different, but equally viable option... and now I'm left in the middle not knowing what to do.

I don't think for one minute this is ironic - especially on the back of this weekend where I realised I'd been relying on my parents for advice a little too much. Don't get me wrong - I feel so blessed to have wise godly parents... the problem happens when you start going to them for advice and affirmation before going to God. And that is what I'd been doing.

So now I'm back to this situation and I was stressing about making a decision... until I realised that actually I don't need to make any decisions right now. Owing to the overlapping nature of deadlines and time, I can carry on pursuing what I was pursuing in the same vain, see what happens with that and then, if needs be, check out the other options.

It made me realise how prone I am to immediately 'running away' with something. How I can so easily make something a tragedy or an ecstasy. So often I'm thinking 'what should I do?' 'how will I get through this?' etc... When will I learn to stop making life about 'me'??? The questions I should be asking when making decisions are 'What can God do with this?' 'How will this bless others?' 'What would Jesus do?'

Sometimes Jesus would say, 'you know what? it doesn't matter, you can choose' and sometimes he'll give a very clear, definite answer. But either way, I pray God will take away the 'me' perspective and give me His, I pray God will direct my pathways regardless of whether I'm asking the right questions.

Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Let my decisions honour you Jesus.

Monday, 7 May 2007

Two months and counting...

How is that suddenly, there is only two months to go to the wedding?!
And there is still SO much to do.

I'm supposed to be the organised one.

Oh dear.

Sunday, 6 May 2007


I've been really blessed the past 3-4 weeks as I've been watching a romance blossom between my very lovely flatmate and a man that sounds completely worthy of her heart. It has blessed me so much to watch in action a sincere, natural, un-hurried, peaceful, warm relationship developing. Every text, e-mail or phone call, makes my friend's heart beat a little faster. Her face is radiant and I always know when she is thinking of him as she breaks out in a smile.

I think one of the reasons that this romance warms my heart is because it is so pure and so true. I know that my flatmate has guarded her heart above all else (Proverbs 4:23) and I know that as a true daughter of Jerusalem she has consciously not awakened love until the time is right (Song of Songs 8:4). So now I get a front row seat in watching the pursuit of a fair maiden by a righteous man - and it's beautiful, because each has entrusted their heart to the Father who has their best interests at heart.

So often we steam ahead in pursuit of what we think our hearts are desiring. So rarely do we just entrust ourselves to the One who knows the beginning, middle and end of the story. Not only in relationships do we strive to meet the one we were made for, but also in our careers, the homes we want to live in, the ministry we want... and it's often when we step out alone that we get hurt. Maybe we never achieve what we thought we desired, or maybe we get it and realise it's not fulfilling. It just shows that there's something to be said for having faith that our dreams, visions and desires will be met - providing we invest them in the right place.

I guess what I've seen played out before me is a perfect example of Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart... so true - and such a blessing to see right in front of me. When we hand over our dreams and hopes, leave them with Jesus and focus on delighting in Him, that's when we see the true glory, joy and fullness in life. I thank my friend for having the courage to wait, to trust Jesus and to believe for the perfect knight in shining armour.

Wednesday, 7 February 2007

5 Months...

Yes, yes it's true - It's five months today to my wedding. Brilliant.

Magnifying Glasses.

A couple of Sundays ago, Dan and I were visiting my brother's Church (CCC Bath & Bristol, Freedom Centre) and due to unfortunate train services we never made it for the beginning of the service. We did catch the last part of the talk though. Andrew de Thierry was speaking about being God's children, and as such, "standing in the frame" before God when we come to Him in prayer.

Standing in the frame is about being bold, being present before God, being real. It's not coming before God as pathetic, weedy creatures, but as children who come before their parents and say 'when's dinner ready?!' who speak as they find and say how they feel. Imagine a stroppy teenager demanding something their parent said they could have but hasn't delivered on yet, and I think you've got a glimpse of what Andrew was talking about. Confident, forthright... Standing in the frame is just that - being visible, in the light, standing, arms wide open before God - "Here I am God, before You... and I'm not going anywhere until we're done..." a bit of Jacob-style wrestling if you like.

So what has all this got to do with magnifying glasses?!

Ok - anecdote number two before we can move forward - when you were young, did you ever take a magnifying glass on a really sunny day and hold it so the light focussed through and started to burn paper (or if you had a sadistic side, ants)? I did - the paper that is. It was fun taking something as little as a magnifying glass and having so much power because of the sun's strength.

Well it occurred to me last night, that when we stand in the frame before God, it's a bit like being stretched out over the frame of a magnifying glass. We become the glass if you like and God... well He's the big kid that gets to play with all His magnifying glasses. God is light. He is the source - and when He holds out a magnifying glass with one of His children outstretched before Him - standing in the frame - well then He's able to shine His light through that person, that frame, and have greater impact upon his canvas, his paper... this old thing they call Earth.

His light shines through us when we stand in the frame and demand things that line up with His will - freedom for the captive, love for the lonely... just as the light intensifies, concentrated, with aim and purpose when holding a magnifying glass before the sun, so too does God's light make a difference when we're outstretched before Him.

As I was thinking all this I got quite excited by the idea of God sitting up high, looking down on Earth with hundreds of magnifying glasses all before Him, picking them up and contorting them into different angles and directions... releasing His power and light into the world. It was quite fun to watch God being in control, holding His magnifying glass in His hand... holding me in His hand.

The magnifying glasses only worked when the people were with arms stretched out, standing in the frame, trusting God to do the directing... food for thought perhaps.

Monday, 5 February 2007

Ahead of time...

I'm not actually married yet... and yet here I am already set up with an e-mail address, a blog, and almost a new signature practised and ready to be used. But then I have always been one for organisation!

I'm just excited about all God has instore for Dan and I. At the moment we're praying into some really crazy things. I've always dreamt of being a person of great faith. Someone that God can trust with big stuff... it dawned on me not long ago, that to have great faith, you have to step out and trust in order for the faith to kick in. You're never going to need great faith if life is comfortable, easy and 'expected'. No... I think God sometimes asks you to do the seemingly mad - the things that look like you've left your common sense behind - just to see if you're ready for the next step, the next stage.

It's always been an issue with me about whether I 'hear' God. I think I'm starting to learn that again - it's a trust thing. You come before God willing, you come before God saying what you think He wants... and then you go for it - trusting that He will close or open the right things as you step out. In faith. Trusting.

So here goes - I'm finishing my degree and after that I don't have any set ideas about what I'm 'supposed' to be doing, so I'm saying to God "I'm yours"... do as you wish... and in that process praying I'll be open to the direction He leads me in.

I'll let you know what happens!