Tuesday, 22 May 2007


At the moment I have some big decisions to be making. About 15 hours ago it was far more simple. I just had to keep going along the same track, wait for the outcome to the situation and that was that. Then I received an e-mail that threw another option into the equation. A completley different, but equally viable option... and now I'm left in the middle not knowing what to do.

I don't think for one minute this is ironic - especially on the back of this weekend where I realised I'd been relying on my parents for advice a little too much. Don't get me wrong - I feel so blessed to have wise godly parents... the problem happens when you start going to them for advice and affirmation before going to God. And that is what I'd been doing.

So now I'm back to this situation and I was stressing about making a decision... until I realised that actually I don't need to make any decisions right now. Owing to the overlapping nature of deadlines and time, I can carry on pursuing what I was pursuing in the same vain, see what happens with that and then, if needs be, check out the other options.

It made me realise how prone I am to immediately 'running away' with something. How I can so easily make something a tragedy or an ecstasy. So often I'm thinking 'what should I do?' 'how will I get through this?' etc... When will I learn to stop making life about 'me'??? The questions I should be asking when making decisions are 'What can God do with this?' 'How will this bless others?' 'What would Jesus do?'

Sometimes Jesus would say, 'you know what? it doesn't matter, you can choose' and sometimes he'll give a very clear, definite answer. But either way, I pray God will take away the 'me' perspective and give me His, I pray God will direct my pathways regardless of whether I'm asking the right questions.

Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Let my decisions honour you Jesus.

Monday, 7 May 2007

Two months and counting...

How is that suddenly, there is only two months to go to the wedding?!
And there is still SO much to do.

I'm supposed to be the organised one.

Oh dear.

Sunday, 6 May 2007


I've been really blessed the past 3-4 weeks as I've been watching a romance blossom between my very lovely flatmate and a man that sounds completely worthy of her heart. It has blessed me so much to watch in action a sincere, natural, un-hurried, peaceful, warm relationship developing. Every text, e-mail or phone call, makes my friend's heart beat a little faster. Her face is radiant and I always know when she is thinking of him as she breaks out in a smile.

I think one of the reasons that this romance warms my heart is because it is so pure and so true. I know that my flatmate has guarded her heart above all else (Proverbs 4:23) and I know that as a true daughter of Jerusalem she has consciously not awakened love until the time is right (Song of Songs 8:4). So now I get a front row seat in watching the pursuit of a fair maiden by a righteous man - and it's beautiful, because each has entrusted their heart to the Father who has their best interests at heart.

So often we steam ahead in pursuit of what we think our hearts are desiring. So rarely do we just entrust ourselves to the One who knows the beginning, middle and end of the story. Not only in relationships do we strive to meet the one we were made for, but also in our careers, the homes we want to live in, the ministry we want... and it's often when we step out alone that we get hurt. Maybe we never achieve what we thought we desired, or maybe we get it and realise it's not fulfilling. It just shows that there's something to be said for having faith that our dreams, visions and desires will be met - providing we invest them in the right place.

I guess what I've seen played out before me is a perfect example of Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart... so true - and such a blessing to see right in front of me. When we hand over our dreams and hopes, leave them with Jesus and focus on delighting in Him, that's when we see the true glory, joy and fullness in life. I thank my friend for having the courage to wait, to trust Jesus and to believe for the perfect knight in shining armour.