Wednesday, 27 January 2010

New year... new beginnings...

It's 2010. I feel like it's time to start blogging again. I guess now that I'm on maternity leave it's a good way of getting thoughts, emotions and musings out and into a place where I'll be able to look back on in time to come.

It's 2010. I only blogged once last year, not at all in 2008 and 5 times in 2007... not exactly a regular blogger. I guess it's partly because I still keep my handwritten journal, but also because being a grown-up (full time work and not a student) and being married has meant time for sitting down and writing the ramblings in my head is not the highest priority.

It's 2010. I will have a baby this year. The little family unit that is currently Dan and me will become three and we will have a son or a daughter. It is such an odd concept. We'll be parents. We'll be responsible for the upbringing and development of a tiny human being. A little person that will be dependent on us.

It's 2010. I have so many hopes and fears. Hopes for me, hopes for Dan, hopes for the baby. I hope that this year will be a year I'll look back on in future years as one where my relationship with Jesus went to the next level. One where I matured in my faith. One where I grow and become wiser, kinder, more compassionate, more patient, less selfish, more loving, more joyful, more self-controlled, more gentle, less judgemental... generally one where I have a greater abundance of the fruits of the spirit in my life.

It's 2010. Dan has started his new job. He now works in the not-for-profit charity sector. He's working as the Vehicle For Change (V4C) Project Leader for West Kent YMCA. His job is all about working as a detached youth worker... it's about transformation, it's about change, it's about growth... things that I want for us, for me, for him, for the baby.

It's 2010. I don't know what the future holds. Financially I don't know what I will do when the statutory maternity pay runs out. I don't even know if it'll be enough to pay the mortgage and bills whilst I'm not working. I don't know what job I will do. I don't know how being a mummy will affect my outlook on life...

It's 2010. A new year with new beginnings...

It's 2010. A new decade...

It's 2010. And it's not mine to plan.

Jesus, help me surrender my hopes, fears, dreams and the unknowns to you on a daily basis. Help me not to become overwhelmed by the things outside of my control but see the challenges as an opportunity to get to know you and your faithfulness more. Jesus, I don't know what is to come, but I know you do. Help me trust you.

Father, may you do something in 2010, that, like Habakkuk will leave me "utterly amazed". Would you do something in my days that I will not believe, even if you told me about it... will you make 2010 a year of miracle, a year of blessing, a year of growth, a year of revelation.

Lord, I want 2010 to be the year where I have the 'ruach' experiences... Come Lord Jesus.

It's 2010.