Putting your life on hold…

Why is it that I get so caught up in stuff that just puts my life on hold and stops me from living to the full?! 

I was so disappointed when my new buggy was ‘delivered’ but never actually delivered to my house a few days ago.  Amazon were great, sent a replacement first class at no cost, but because it’s being sent by the same courier I’ve been all anxious and apprehensive that the same thing is going to happen again.  It was due to arrive today (or before), so I stayed in all day with Ethan.

Staying indoors with an 18 month old all day is never going to be my first choice of how to spend a day.  What gets me, is that despite the replacement buggy reaching Leeds depot at 1.24.07am (yes, I have been obsessively checking the tracking status all day), it was never dispatched from the depot today and so I spent all day in the house waiting for nothing.

Obviously, the next day it’s likely to turn up will be Monday.  I’ve got an appointment in the morning, and the way I’ve been feeling about this whole palaver is that chances are the driver will turn up when I’m not in.  Or, the same thing will happen and they’ll leave it ‘at the back of your property’ when it’s not actually there at all.

I could remain stressed about this, I could try and change my day on Monday to accommodate this, I could constantly try and make sure it’s organised, efficient, and goes to plan… but actually, I have no control over the driver of the courier company and whether they deliver it at a certain time, on a certain day.  I have no control over whether they come to the correct house, I have no control over the buggy arriving sooner rather than later.  Worrying about it won’t add a single minute to my life.  In fact, putting my life on hold for something as trivial as this is just so silly.

“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss…”

Matt 6:25a TM

I’m a fusser. 

I don’t want to be a fusser.

“…What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving.  People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don’t worry about missing out.  You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow…” 

Matt 6:31-34a TM

I worry about missing out. 

I don’t want to worry about what may or may not happen.

Jesus, thank you that your Word gives such light, such perspective, such clarity to all situations we find ourselves in.  I know that this is something I will have to revisit (probably on too many occasions for my liking), but right now, I choose to leave the buggy worries behind.  They are so not worth it!  Thank you that you know my worries, my concerns, my issues, my controlling nature and you still love me enough to take this into consideration in making my life GOOD.

God knows my name

How times change…

I can’t believe the last blog I posted was the due date of my first pregnancy and here I am, now over halfway through my second pregnancy, living in a completely different part of the country, with SUCH a different life.

I couldn’t have begun to imagine what the last 18-19 months have held, and if someone had told me I’d be where I am now on Ethan’s due date I wouldn’t have believed them.

Over the past year and a half, the following things have happened:

- Ethan was born by emergency c-section

- I left my city job

- Heavily involved with various ministries at PBC, especially a teenage girls group, adult small group, children’s worship, adult worship…

- Got an amazing part-time job with a local company, working for a Christian, where the pay was great, the responsibility was the most I’ve ever had

- Worked as an administrator for a local charity (Life & Soul)

- Got pregnant again

- Dan was appointed Student Pastor for St George’s in Leeds…

And so that’s where we are now. One week into living in Leeds, a week’s worth of unpacking, tidying and sorting, and Dan officially starts work in two days time. We’ve left family, friends, a homely church, jobs, our house, and so much more, behind in Pembury, and have moved to a new church, new home, new city.

I still don’t think I’ve quite got my head around it all. I am so excited by the role Dan has been appointed to do. I’m so amazed at how God has got us into working full-time for a church – I never expected it to be this scale, this soon, in this area of the country – and yet, I can’t wait to see how he will use Dan especially in this role.

I don’t know where I fit into all of this yet, and being pregnant does tend you make you more emotionally dependant on stability, security and ‘knowing your place’, but right now I have to keep coming back to the fact that “God knows my name”, he’s not forgotten me, and I am as much a part of this move to Leeds as Dan is.

At New Wine, suffice to say, God spoke to me exactly how I needed to hear his voice. The very very short version of what happened is that He singled me out (using the speaker) in a room full of 2,000+ people and said “Blessed is she who comes in the name of the Lord, Emily…” and then pointed at me.

God knows my name. He knows me. I am unique before him. I am not forgotten.

I don’t have all the answers for what being in Leeds will bring. I don’t know how exactly I will fit in at our new church, whether I will have an ‘official’ role or play my part in an unofficial manner. I don’t know how being Ethan (and baby boy #2)’s mummy will work out. There are many things I don’t know.

But God knows my name.
For that, I am so thankful.