The Waiting Game

It’s the early hours of Sunday 14th February 2010 and I’m sitting in bed writing this on my brand new netbook that Dan bought me as a present to say well done for carrying the baby and well done in advance for bringing the baby into the world.

Ok, so I was in bed but the tapping woke Dan up so I’m now downstairs. Anyway… today is the big D day, the due date, the date that all other pregnancy related dates have been counted from/to. And yet there’s no signs that the baby is planning on arriving anytime soon. No shows, very few (if any really) Braxton hicks, not a whole lot of cramping or anything else like that. And I don’t mind – I’m still quite happy being pregnant. I’ve been really lucky throughout the pregnancy really – apart from particularly yucky nausea at the beginning and when I was working (it also came back in January after Christmas when I was at work) I’ve had a textbook pregnancy with no additional issues to worry about – no massive weight gain, no SPD or sciatica, full movement and mobility, nothing wrong with the baby…

And yet, the midwives have been saying stuff recently which makes me think I’m running out of time for this baby to rock up naturally. I’m exactly 40 weeks today according to due date and so on Wednesday, when I’ll be 40+3 I’m off to the midwife for a sweep. Normally they’d wait longer, but owing to my height and the fact that the baby’s head isn’t engaged, they think there is some possibility that the head might be too big to fit into my pelvis, or that the baby will get too big if I go a full two weeks overdue for a natural birth. Depending on what the midwife observes when she does my sweep I might be sent to the hospital for a scan to see exactly how big the baby is and what the deal is. The end result has every possibility of being a caesarean… hence feeling like time is running out.

I don’t really want to have a caesarean and yet at the same time I just want my baby and me to go through the birth process (whatever route) safely and to end up with both of us healthy and happy. There are a lot of cons (the way I’m looking at it) to a caesarean and so whilst from day one I tried not to make plans, not to have a birth plan, I have to be honest and say it’s not something I considered for very long as I never thought it would be something I’d have to think about.

I want to successfully breastfeed the little one and sometimes skin to skin and close contact after a caesarean birth doesn’t really happen or has to be delayed. This was pretty much one of the only things I wanted. I guess I’m just in the waiting game now. Unless the baby does kick things into gear before Wednesday I know I’m waiting until then to see what the deal is with it’s little (or not so little!) head.

At the end of the day, I need to wait. There’s nothing I can do to make the baby come any faster. I’ve been told sex and lots of it is the only real way to attempt to bring things on but even still I guess I don’t really have any high hopes that this baby will come as a result of any bedroom antics!

The verse that comes to mind in the stillness of the early morning is “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Sometimes being still when you’re waiting is hard. Right now, I would happily be asleep but my body and the baby have other ideas. So how does one actively ‘be still’?

I guess by not fretting, not obsessing, not trying to take things into your own hands, but by trusting, talking to God, being quiet, letting Him speak rather than making so much noise you can’t hear His “gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:12)

Be still for the presence of the Lord
The Holy One is here
Come bow before Him now
With reverence and fear

In Him no sin is found
We stand on holy ground
Be still for the presence of the Lord
The Holy One is here

Be still for the glory of the Lord
Is shining all around
He burns with holy fire
With splendour He is crowned

How awesome is the sight
Our radiant King of Light
Be still for the glory of the Lord
Is shining all around

Be still for the power of the Lord
Is moving in this place
He comes to cleanse and heal
To minister His grace
No work too hard for Him
In faith receive from Him
Be still for the power of the Lord
Is moving in this place

Lord I want to receive from you, in faith, my little baby! Despite how the baby is or isn’t lying, is or isn’t engaged, is or isn’t a fatty… no work is too hard for you. God, if it is safe, please bring my baby along naturally before Wednesday. And if not Lord, then help me over this next week to be still and know You are God, You are in charge, You have this sussed and sorted.

This has been a long waiting game… from the very initial prayer Dan and I prayed about ‘not preventing’ having a baby anymore to falling pregnant, each trimester, and now the final week or so… soon I will meet our child. We will have a son or a daughter to love, cherish, nurture, and teach of Jesus.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

Lord, may our child know you, love you and live for you. We can train and teach and point to you, but capturing his/her heart is not something we can make happen.

Only you can. And so in the meantime, I will be still and wait.